For many years I felt shame and guilt. I let societies beliefs and expectations control my own thoughts and actions. I wasn't living in harmony with who I really was. This manifested into terrible issues with my relationship with myself as well as my relationships with others. I used to think that if I accepted my own feelings of sadness, love, or gratitude; I would appear weak and if I slipped, I wouldn't be able to control myself.
I feared that if I showed too much emotion I would appear needy, insecure, or over dramatic.
Does this all sound too familiar?
As young girls we are brought up and taught to be strong, brave, courageous. To set out in the world and conquer their dreams because our parents want us to be successful in this world. The problem with this is that the focus is strictly on masculine attributes. Did your mother ever tell you, "you know what honey why don't you take sometime for yourself, do some yoga, meditate and have a hot bath." Young women are label, told to cover up, criticized, to "act like a lady," leaving us feeling shameful of our feminine state of being. We are left repressed of our true nature, never taught a means of creatively expressing our femininity. Overall, as a society I don't believe we do a good job of embracing this.
Start MOVING intuitively, move in a way that makes you feel sexy.
I had no seduction, no grace. Embracing my femininity wasn't something that came naturally for me. In fact, it felt VERY awkward. Start incorporating a practice in your daily routine that makes you feel sexy and embodies your femininity. Strict workout plans, CrossFit, and weight lifting are very structured and intense. You want to do something that allows to you flow, move with intuition, and creates a feeling of softness. (Softness does not equal easy) pole dancing class can push you out of your comfort zone leading to some strong feelings that can be difficult to overcome, but keep at it, eventually you will start to feel more sexy, graceful, and soft. Learn to listen to your body, your femininity, instead of constantly pushing with a masculine force.
Allow time for rest and rejuvenation.
Woman have come a long way from popping out babies, raising a family, and cooking in the kitchen. We are incredible beings, we can create life! And with that comes cycles, cravings, yearnings, and emotions. Living in the fast paced society we do on top of the other thousands of items we attempt to juggle, it's imperative to take a "time-out." In the beginning this was incredibly hard for me. I was so accustomed to balancing life on a tight rope juggling family, friends, work, school, dating, and being on the go all the time. When I look back I realize I was doing so many things I actually didn't want to do and in return I wasn't showing up with my best self present.
So draw up that bubble bath, turn off your phone, and light a candle and get to know yourself. Don't feel like you have to do everything; it's ok to ask for help if you feel overwhelmed and it's ok to say no to things you don't want to do. It won't be easy at first, but stick with it and I promise you will begin to feel your intuition once again and become one with yourself the way Mother Nature intended.
Discover your negative and limiting beliefs.
What are some beliefs you hold about being girlie or feminine? We hear things like "she's such a sissy," a tomboy, or that's "mans job." We hear them from our parents when growing up and slowly they become ingrained into our thinking and develop into our belief systems. Good news is that you are now an adult and can make your own choices freely about what you choose to believe or not.
So whenever you feel yourself judging someone or thoughts come up about this write them down so that you slowly become more aware of what is holding you back. You may also discover through this there are some areas that need further work which will allow you to further discover your true self, take power and step into your feminine nature.
Become aware of your inner dialogue.
How does the dialogue inside your mind speak to yourself? Nagging, critical, always putting you down? Or is it positive, encouraging, and loving? Imagine a child who was only spoken to how you speak to yourself? Would they grow up to be successful, confident, productive members of society? Not if they are always being belittled and berated and the same goes for you, if you are constantly speaking down to yourself, judging yourself in every mirror you walk past, how are you supposed to grow?
We need to become our biggest cheerleader.
This was also a big struggle of mine, but once I discovered and released my NEGATIVE AND LIMITING belief that self love and care was self indulgent and selfish, I was able to being to fully love and nurture myself.
Find someone to express your feelings to.
I use the word express because you want to be able to open up to someone who is going to listen, offer words of encouragement and not cast judgement. I believe that as woman we are programed to try to fix everything, we over analyze, replay, and repeat. I would make myself sick in vicious cycles of over analyzation, feeling shameful, then guilty, then even more shameful for feeling shameful and guilty. Especially with failed relationships and friendships, jobs I didn't get, I was terrible!
Don't allow these feelings to get the best of you, share your feelings with a close friend.
And really don't ever feel guilty about having any emotion or feeling, we are all human. Allow yourself to feel the emotion and then release it if it no longer serves you.
Incorporate these 5 practices into your daily life and take note of how you start to feel. Strange? Uncomfortable? All of those are ok, you are stepping out of your comfort zone and growing into the feminine being you were meant to be and have repressed for all these years. I am a year into my journey and I still have daily struggles to this day, but I am determined to be a better person than I was yesterday. Stepping out of the leader role and letting someone else take the reins still makes me feel uneasy, but it gets easier every time. With patience and daily practice you too will soon realize the beauty of embracing your femininity.
Comment Below: Have you incorporated anything into your life that has really helped you step into your femininity? What advice would you give to someone who is just starting?