Breaking Boundaries: Your guide to setting healthy boundaries and breaking through limiting ones

Updated: Aug 26, 2018



Constantly feel like your running on e?

Do you suffer from low energy?

Never feel like you have enough time?

Are you always doing stuff for other people and never for yourself?


If you can relate to any of these, it’s likely that you’re not setting and affirming boundaries as well as you could be…


Terri Cole, Founder of Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp, identifies these energy leaks as sources of poorly established personal boundaries. She states that we can "reclaim our energy and personal power by becoming a self-love ambassador."


So how can we set healthy boundaries in our lives? Every relationship that we have in our lives needs boundaries, Terri describes relationships as a dance. In this dance we have to get clear on what is okay and not okay. And from there, once we are crystal clear, we are able to easily identify when they are being violated. 


As women we put own needs aside. We identify ourselves with being the caretaker, the lover, the nurturer, the giver. We give and give until there is nothing left of ourselves. *hint this is when we feel frazzled, irritable, exhausted, tired.


When we find ourselves easily caving to peer pressure, if people always call us for favors and never return the gesture. If we are constantly bending over backwards to help others out despite our own needs, we are probably strappeling with the ugly face of -the disease to please.


We have to protect our energy, after all we only have so much to give throughout the day. Giving and giving is simply stating "I don't respect my time or energy, here take it." This is the recipe for disaster, by doing this-- although we might think you are helping everyone else, we are really doing ourselves a disservice. 


What is this communicating to other people about how they are able to treat us?



How can we expect other people to respect us- our time, our energy, our space, if don't fully respect it yourself. Now, I know it can be easy to switch into victim mentality here...

- People always need me.

- I feel bad for saying no.

- I should because I'm their girlfriend, wife, mother, friend, daughter.


We must do away with that mindset right now!


We are profoundly powerful women and in order to show up our whole-selves and nothing but the authentic, beautiful creatures we were sent out in the Universe to be, we have to start with ourselves.


We are the leaders of our lives! We must love ourselves, respect ourselves, and set healthy boundaries.


Many times and more often than not we model the behavior of our parents. When we were young children we didn't know any better and looked up to them for guidance as we developed. This is completely natural, but the truth is that our parents were also going through there own personal challenges. What served them, might not serve us and to stay holding on to that can be detrimental for some of us. 


We can begin today to proactively start implementing healthy boundaries in our lives. For me, I know that I struggled with the disease to please. I wanted to be everyones friend and I wanted everyone to like me. That meant, I stayed out late on workdays even though I wanted to go home and be in bed by 9pm, when peer pressured. I would end up resentful, tired, and bitter. This would have been so much easier if I would have been clear about my boundaries before going out. 



So where do you feel like you need boundaries? Terri states that you can "draw boundaries with ease, grace, and love." When we first start to establish our own boundaries it might feel a little scary, but the more we practice it the better we will get. I used to fear speaking my truth would make me look like a prude or look selfish or self centered, but now I know; to establish and implement healthy boundaries is one of the highest forms of self love possible. 


Anytime we feel guilty, resentful, or constricted this is a sign that a boundary needs to be drawn. We can start off by saying, “I’d like to make a simple request....” Stay calm, come from a loving space, feel the love we are creating for ourselves flow like a river from our hearts to theirs. Some people might feel off put or threaten especially if its someone who has been crossing our boundaries for some time. Shine bright in your truth!


This really hit deep within me...

If we never allow someone to know us authentically.....how can someone fall in love with us without knowing our authentic self?


Dial into the wisdom of your body.


I have created my own list of Boundary Styles, which one do you identify with when your own boundaries are being crossed? 



What’s your Boundary Style?



ICE ICE BABY

People describe you as closed off and unavailable. They might think you're arrogant and self-centered because you don't have a problem letting people know where you stand on an issue, you know where you stand. Some see you as stubborn because you are never open for debate or a new way other thinking. You have a hard time trusting people and can become easily offended.


LONE WOLF

You distant yourself for protection. People find it hard to get to know you, they consider you aloof. You have been deemed disconnected because you have a hard time opening up and sharing your emotions with people.


CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST

You place everyone else before yourself. People say you shouldn’t have or you're too nice frequently. You feel invisible and spread to thin at times. You accommodate everyone else’s needs before your own.


PEOPLE PLEASER

You have the need to please. Do you cave at peer pressure. You are afraid to speak you own needs and wants. You are described as codependent or easily influenced by your partner, family, or friends? Your own self worth depends on the acceptance of others. You are more influenced by others than seeking your authentic individuality.


BIG BAD WOLF

You have been described as bossy. When you feel threatened you become pushy or intrusive.

You usually get your way, even if its against or you hurt others. You use charm as a way to force your own agenda. And at times you’re so focused on controlling things you become oblivious to the anyone else.


MOTHER GOOSE

You are highly sensitive- keenly aware of your surroundings. Over-receptive and highly- receptive?

You have the disease to please. You become so fixated on others happiness, you forget about your own. You avoid conflict avoid conflict at all cost, even when that means breaking your own boundaries. 


Where do you stand? Are you a mixture of a few?


Boundaries are a necessity of every relationship in our life, we must learn to communicate and have crystal clear conversations in order for our needs, wants, and desires to be met and we can step into our true authentic self.