I'm not perfect and that's ok

I have a love/hate relationship with a lot of things in life; my decision to cut my hair, my body, moving to Iowa in general.

Iowa has given me a lot more time than I would like to spend alone, dissecting myself. I was unhappy yet didn't know why. I focused on external factors for my unhappiness especially here; not knowing anyone, no mountains, no mall, no...anything! I thought I was just a people person, a mover and a shaker. That's why San Diego, bursting with life, gave me so much happiness. I was so focused on having to get out of here, fixated on the next travel destination, meeting people anywhere they wanted and making sure everyone else was happy...everyone but myself.

I became my own worst critic judging every inch of my body, needing to be thinner, workout harder. Not nailing every diagnosis of each patient. Sad because I was missing out on events with old friends. Placing myself in a tornado of #negativity and helplessness directly from myself. I wanted perfection. I indulged in #selfhelp books hopelessly looking for answers.

What did I need to learn to fix myself to be #happy again?

Yet the answer remains within me the whole time. I was overlooking the most valuable aspect of my life...myself.

Perhaps I was happier in San Diego because I never gave myself time to sit down masking the true force behind my desire to absorb as much as possible every single day. I didn't love myself. Each day I woke up fixated on the next goal and beating myself up why I hadn't achieved it yet. Never taking a moment to ask myself how I was feeling.

I'm not perfect and that's ok.

Tomorrow marks a week of daily #meditation, #positive #affirmations, and #yoga. I cannot tell you that in 7 short days I'm a ray of perfect fucking sunshine, I'm not perfect and that's ok.

Paradox to the belief that we need to conform for acceptance, our uniqueness is what makes us shine.

So give yourself a little extra time today; thank yourself for all your hard work, look in the mirror and tell yourself you're #beautiful, sit for just 10 minutes doing nothing, KNOW that you are love and #deserve love.

Make your life absolutely beautiful, but don't forget about yourself in the mean time. 💋