I have a love/hate relationship with a lot of things in life; my decision to cut my hair, my body, moving to Iowa in general.
Iowa has given me a lot more time than I would like to spend alone, dissecting myself. I was unhappy yet didn't know why. I focused on external factors for my unhappiness especially here; not knowing anyone, no mountains, no mall, no...anything! I thought I was just a people person, a mover and a shaker. That's why San Diego, bursting with life, gave me so much happiness. I was so focused on having to get out of here, fixated on the next travel destination, meeting people anywhere they wanted and making sure everyone else was happy...everyone but myself.
I became my own worst critic judging every inch of my body, needing to be thinner, workout harder. Not nailing every diagnosis of each patient. Sad because I was missing out on events with old friends. Placing myself in a tornado of #negativity and helplessness directly from myself. I wanted perfection. I indulged in #selfhelp books hopelessly looking for answers.
What did I need to learn to fix myself to be #happy again?
Yet the answer remains within me the whole time. I was overlooking the most valuable aspect of my life...myself.
Perhaps I was happier in San Diego because I never gave myself time to sit down masking the true force behind my desire to absorb as much as possible every single day. I didn't love myself. Each day I woke up fixated on the next goal and beating myself up why I hadn't achieved it yet. Never taking a moment to ask myself how I was feeling.
I'm not perfect and that's ok.
Paradox to the belief that we need to conform for acceptance, our uniqueness is what makes us shine.
So give yourself a little extra time today; thank yourself for all your hard work, look in the mirror and tell yourself you're #beautiful, sit for just 10 minutes doing nothing, KNOW that you are love and #deserve love.
Make your life absolutely beautiful, but don't forget about yourself in the mean time. 💋