Want to know the real me?

Updated: Oct 15, 2018

Do you ever have a moment when you're having a particularly difficult day, week, it could even be a time period or maybe you're going through a challenging situation that has you down on your knees in exhaustion and despair and asking yourself, "why me?" Why do I keep getting handed all the shitty cards? Why does this particular event or circumstance keep on resurfacing in my life? 

For me, the challenges started when I was in middle school. I was flowing full of youthful, feminine energy; longing to be loved, held, and accepted.

I was rebellious yet sought the comfort of home.

I was adventurous yet insecure in my changing and growing feminine figure.

I was tender and caring yet fragile and guarded.

As an adult these may seem like normal human emotions, yet as a young teen with no prior knowledge on this issues as well as growing up in a family that didn't nurture expressing ourselves and our emotions, this paved way for a lot of uncertainty and misunderstanding about what was going on with my body, in my head and my heart.

I grew to be defiant, I ran into trouble with the law. I shoplifted and experimented with drugs and alcohol as a way to squelch my burning desire for adventure and to fit in. 

I used my body as a way to gain the love that I was seeking, although present, yet unspoken in my family. 

I naively gave my heart and energy to friends and men who didn't deserve it.

I covered face in makeup, withheld my body of pleasure from food and spent countless hours at the gym. Standing in front of a mirror sucking in and pointing out areas I could improve on to fit into the "perfect" portrayed media image. 

This was my story, for years. 

As I have unraveled my story and dove deep into understanding my purpose here on Earth, I began to ask myself.

What was the lesson here?

If it is true that we are all born a clean slate in the perfect state, then how did I transform into the lawless, promiscuous, party going, self-sabotaging insecure woman I had become?

We develop our stories.

We develop our fears.

We develop our limitations.

And here is my theory on why that was my beginning story:

My gift, my purpose, my passion, my mission on Earth is to help others believe in themselves. To understand that you don't have to have the perfect upbringing or past to CHANGE and CREATE a life that you love, your stories don't define you. You don't have to be an expert right away, you can fumble (time and time again if you have to) and that is OK. To realize, they too can achieve anything they set their minds to. To realize change can happen at any point in your life, you are never too old or too young.

And never to be afraid to ask for exactly what you want in life.

It’s why the Universe handed me a book when I was 30.

The Essential Collection, by Louise Hay.

So that I could learn the power of self-love and acceptance and how it dramatically affects every area of our lives.

How to overcome emotional barriers we must learn to listen to our inner voice, loving the child within us, and letting our true feelings surface.

How self-love and appreciation is the fundamental layer for every relationship you have in this world.

How our internal worlds were responsible for our external worlds.

How to love ourselves unconditionally without exception.

How to dance in life, to embrace and nourish the feminine and masculine sides of ourselves.

How we must take radical responsibility for everything that happens to us— and everything that doesn’t.

So that I could learn that life is always happening FOR me, not to me.

This book was handed to me through pure divine intervention… because it was a part of my life purpose.

My life purpose was to regain self-confidence. To regain self-belief and not be afraid to let my true emotions show. To learn how to love myself unconditionally first and foremost without exception (NOT when I was skinnier and WITHOUT the love of someone else and that it WASN'T selfish). To trust in the divine timing of events in my life. To build upon myself and develop a mindset so that Icould consciously choose myself and thrive over and over again.

So that I was constantly challenging the status quo and continuing to challenge myself, and consequently challenge others as well. 

I had to endure, I had to learn, I had to pick up the tools in orders to help others do the same.

I know if it wasn’t presented to me in such an intriguing and challenging way, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I would still be afraid.

Afraid to take risks.

Afraid to love myself.

Afraid of recording videos without makeup on when I have beautiful insights to share with you at 10 pm.

Afraid to share my story —raw, vulnerable and uncensored so that you may relate unapologetically through your own journey.

Afraid to build a business while blazing my own trail, standing alone in the spotlight wholeheartedly expressing my opinion, my voice, my emotions that I'm experiencing —everything I hid while growing up.

I’m still mastering my mind. I am still learning to love myself a little more every day. 

Slowly I have learned to love every side of myself- the present, the future, andthe past. 

We are gifted these lessons because they are a part of the BEST versions of ourselves.

We cannot possibly become the best versions of ourselves if we had nothing to overcome.

If we had nothing to learn how would we get to where we want to be?

And if we didn't stumble every now and then, how would we redefine and sharpen ourselves for what is yet to come?

We go through the things we go through so that we can learn and grow from them.

But most importantly? So that we can pass something on. So that we can teach something. So that we can leave behind a legacy.

My legacy is inspiring others to first love themselves wholeheartedly without exception and then believe in themselves and the world of unlimited possibility.

That it’s up to them to take responsibility for everything they’ve ever been through. To acknowledge it and embrace it, to forgive first themselves, then others. Then let it go. 

Want to feel this on an even deeper level?

I wrote an Open Letter to Myself, no mask or fluff —exposed and vulnerable true emotions and words to myself. Once you've read it, I encourage you do the same and share yours with me.

If you found this moving or inspirational please help share my work with friends and women all across the globe!