You know the moment you regret saying yes to something? The instant gut sinking regret, the mind consuming questioning, asking "how do it get out of this," listing 5,759 seemingly plausible excuses and reasons why you can't do the thing you just committed to, and the worst is the looming feeling of dread all the way up to the event.
It's bad right?
What I find fascinating is that most of the time, it never even crosses my mind I could say NO.
I don't actually have to say yes.
The truth is though, this is how most of us are showing up in life, people who never say no. Overcommitted, tired, and stressed out.
As a child and through my adult life, I struggled with confidence. Leaving me feeling powerless and insecure.
I learned to overcompensate by trying to look good, becoming hyper-fixated with my appearance and the need to look "perfect." I would try to impress people or pretend I was ok on the outside when I was actually sad or angry or crushed emotionally, on the inside.
As an adult, I found myself with wanting to please everybody. I sought approval of others at the cost of my own authenticity. I would overcommit with work and social engagements, I said YES to almost every opportunity that came my way. It worked to my advantage (for a time, at least) but it came from an age old belief that I was powerless and I'd be bad or wrong if I said NO to anyone. I also believed that putting my needs before others was an act of egocentrism of selfishness.
Today, I know these beliefs no longer serve me to my highest good.
I practice consciously choosing to do things that are in alignment with my soul and nurture my true being, that means if I'm not a HELL YES, then I'm a HELL NO. I practice saying no more than I say yes. If it feels uncomfortable to say no on the spot, I simply say, "let me get back to you in 24 hours," not "I'll think about it." This leaves an open loop and an easy way for me to avoid strengthen my no muscle, which isn't in integrity with who I am. I want to be honest and true to my word.
By saying yes when you need to say no, you cripple to most important relationship you have in your lifetime; the relationship between you and you. -Nea Joy
How is your relationship with yourself?