Hi it's me, The tiny voice inside that says you’ll lose it all, The monster inside you that keeps you safe in your comfort zone, The mean girl whispering "you'll never be good enough."
Taking a risk at anytime feels too risky. 10x riskier when it's something that could potentially be life changing and you're doing for the first time. Maybe 100x riskier when you feel like you are already successful and have too much to lose.
The possible embarrassment of failing at something you really want.
It feels like getting kicked out of the middle school lunch table crew all over again.
When you stand on the edge of possibility, it feels WILD. Big. Death defying, in some ways.
The realness of succeeding at what you’ve hidden feels so close and tangible. The fear of failing at what you truly, secretly desire feels painful and deadly.
It’s a double-edged sword: you’re so close to having what you want, you can taste and smell your desires coming your way.
And then you freak out:
Why did I dream this big? I don't deserve to have what I want. Who do I think I am? Who encouraged me to come this far? DARN THEM! Why aren’t they here holding my hand?! Mommmyyy!!
(that’s a direct transcript from my own past... who am I kidding, two days ago, by the way.)
Sometimes “success” is a curse that keeps us from our next stage of evolution. It can keep us from taking big risks in new directions because we are afraid of losing what we’ve already created.
A personal tale:
For the past 6 years I have been really diving deep into my own authenticity, releasing blocks and negative thinking, cultivating a mindset of abundance. I have read numerous books, attended countless seminars, and REALLY put in the work. During this time my "career" has always been nursing. First my RN and now a Nurse Practitioner, I love this career and getting to help people. But I also knew that I wanted more. Although I believe Western medicine can be beneficial and help alleviate, cure, and treat so many medical issues, I also believe that too many of us are reaching for pills when we should be looking inside. Our bodies are amazing, capable of so much more than we know. Too often medications are given instead of going deeper within ourselves to uncover what is really going on. And who wants to go through life numbed and medicated? I sure don't. I knew I wanted to do more, to help people uncover the deep root of peoples emotional issues and realize that their lives are NOT dictated by their circumstances. I've seen people overcome all odds and do what no doctor or textbook ever thought possible and I've also seen people who are debilitated by their own minds.
To venture into a new career when I have been labeled successful by so many? Leave what I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on, over 6 years of schooling? Devoted the past 13 years of my life to? Who was I to ask for more? I felt like I was going to die.
It felt death defying to give up how I had been living, the “successful” career and life I’d created, and do something else.
But I had to.
My entire life, authenticity has been a core value. To be genuine, honest, faithful, true to my truth. Being false, even a bit, wasn’t possible.
But totally changing to be authentic, in full view of my friends, family, and the whole Internet?
THAT felt like stepping in front of a firing squad, after having handed a crowd of people a bunch of loaded rifles.
This is why we keep our desires to ourselves. Why we stay stuck. We would rather suffer in silence than step in front of “the firing squad.”
Maybe you’re teetering on the edge, having bought the URL, secretly drawn up plans, cut and pasted your vision board.
Or perhaps not.
Maybe this desire is still your secret, it being so precious that bringing it out into the light might instantly destroy its magic.
HERE’S THE TRUTH:
If you keep it to yourself, the desire will shrivel and die. And so will a piece of your soul. Your desire needs light, nourishment, and fresh energy to grow.
And I know, it seems upside down: You’re already successful in so many areas of your life. You’ve proven yourself over and over. Why does this feel so scary?
Because you’re used to being a success.
And this desire feels like something you’ve never truly attempted before. This desire feels like putting your heart and soul out there to be loved...or hated. It feels spiritual, woo-woo, or so out of your comfort zone there’s no map. And going after this desire brings you back to a place before you were a success. Back when you didn’t know what you were doing. Back when you could take risks and not fear “losing it all.” Now you have more “all” to lose.
I’ve seen it happen, with clients and in my own life:
If you don’t pursue this desire, your life will suffer. You’ll always secretly know that you let yourself down.
Eventually, feeling inauthentic is worse than not trying at all.
It feels worse than failing.
Remember what you’ve learned along the way:
No failure is a true failure. Each misstep is a piece of the puzzle. Each failure is a part of the whole journey to becoming your next You. Each “failure” is just a lesson learned on the path to your desires. If you dedicate yourself to seeing it that way.